Friendships Shouldn’t be That Complicated and Here’s Why... Part2 of 3

PART 2 of 3

Friendships shouldn’t be complicated if you know and understand who they are?

   

First, we need to know who our friends are and then we need to understand the type of friends we are dealing with.

A lot of us have acquaintances and communities, but it's important to recognise that not everyone we encounter and speak to, are our friends.

We don’t need to cut them out but we need to recognise their category and their role in our lives, so we will know how to handle our relationship with them.      

Are you trying to impress people who don't really care about you?  

Think

Who compliments you and what you do? They don't know much about you but they admire what you do. But there is no interest in growing or for intimacy in the friendship. They only support you because they love what you do for them. That is the only connection to you. The minute you stop or the minute they find someone better they leave you. Just because they like what you do, doesn't mean they are for you. They were never for you, you were only valuable to them if you were doing something they like. You keep them near because they make you feel good about yourself.

They tell you the good things you want to hear and you avoid what you don't want to hear. These cheerleaders are not your friends, they can easily change their minds and decide not to support you no more.  

You can’t have friendships that are not truthful. A friend should not be one who only kisses up to you but should also have the right to address you when you need to be addressed. They tell you the truth with care and consideration for who you are and your potential. You need people who can see what you can’t see.  

People sometimes tend to be aggressive when addressing an issue. Being aggressive doesn't mean you're being effective in addressing your friend. It is rude and an act of ignorance towards the other person.

Think

Who sees something in you?

Whose lives do you influence or make an impact on? Because of this, they want to help you achieve what it is you want to achieve. Partly, because they too share the same interest in the same cause but to a certain point. You share the same motives but you have different goals.

They are with you as long as they can see the purpose or the end goal. They follow you because of the goal, as long as you are closer to the goal, they are close to you. They are not for you but for the goal.

Again these types of people can easily jump out of your life as there is another route or another leader to achieve their mission. These type of friends are still significant and valuable, they will help you achieve certain things in life. They can still teach you things about yourself, although they are temporary and will leave.   

Don't’ confuse them with opportunists. Opportunists are happy to be by your side until they meet someone with higher status. They move to anyone who is likely to please them and lead them to where they wanna be, what they want to become or help them achieve their goal. They are never for you or anyone else or your purpose; different motives and goal altogether. It was never about you, it was about their own end destination.

Love them when they come and Love them when they leave!   

Think

Who actually knows who you are? Who would you take places that you won't take other people? The ones that get to see you and know you on an intimate level. Who knows what you struggle with?

It’s good to have somebody you can be open and honest with, and trust. Those friends that you are able to be so comfortable with. You can behave like yourself, and not have to pretend or change your behaviour when they are around.

Friends who will even fight against you for you. Bold enough to say tough things about you to you, to help you because they love you. (And not to everyone else, that’s attention seeking and an act of betrayal).

Friendships grow when people speak to you with love and honesty. These are your friends because they are in it for you and not because you do what they want you to do. They see you, understand you and are with you; whether you are down, up or stuck. Even when others turn their back on you and hate you; they are there because they love you.

Your friends see you for who you are, and they see your purpose and are willing to fight with you to reach your goals.   

If you have to hide or pretend who you are around them they are not your friend.     

‘Who do you have in your life that you can call when it's inconvenient for them, and they would want you to call them?’

Who do you know will be by your side when you fall and they would want to help you?

Who would want to fight for you when you can’t fight the issues you battle with (i.e. fears, anxiety, insecurities.)?

As you sit, reading this blog, thinking and analysing your friendship groups. Remember we are all these categories in someone else's life.  Re-assess yourself and think about how you come across to your friends too. Start considering the people you would want as a friend, and as part of your inner circle. This time considering their character and intentions.

Sometimes, we unfriend those we should friend in life because of something they said or done, even because of distance. Is it worth throwing such a friendship? A friendship should be an opportunity to learn more about yourself.

Throughout life, we encounter different types of friends. There are the Friends that come for the season (FFS), the Friends for a reason (FFR), and the Friends for a lifetime (FFL). Each of these types of friends come into your life to serve a purpose; to take you to your next level (including the ones you see once in a while). We also need to understand that some of these friends came and will leave. They were only meant to be there for you temporarily. FFS and FFR are valuable types of friends. Therefore when they leave, there should be no hard feelings that you guys are no longer as close as you used to be.  Understand it wasn’t about you.

You don’t need everybody in the whole world to be there for you at all times.

Don’t force yourself to keep a friendship alive when it has run its course; because you’ve known each other for long. Sometimes people grow apart. It is part of life.   

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Let’s Get Personal    

Before in friendships, I wouldn’t make too much effort. Especially, if I felt the other person wasn’t giving me the same energy. I would let go and keep distant until I faded out of their lives. For me, forming friendships requires mutual interest and effort.

We all been through challenges when you realise who cares and who doesn't. But have you ever stopped to think about the way you act may have influenced your friendships?

At hard times including when you feel low and depressed, friendships can become hard and complicated. I have some of the most amazing friends. Yet, I couldn't open up and be completely myself because of fear, my insecurities, depression and anxiety. Also, because there was some friends who listened to respond rather than those listened to understand. To some, It always came back to them and how they felt. To others, I didn't want to become a burden.   

We have friends we call our ‘besties’ yet they are not the ones we would call in a crisis. They're not really the ones we would tell what’s going on with ourselves. Depression can magnify negative thoughts and feelings and can easily bring misunderstanding. Both parties will find themselves questioning every communication or action. Maybe there was an occasion your friend forgot an important thing to you such as birthdays. By a misunderstanding, you think that friend doesn’t care or put in the effort. When it could be a sign of that they are struggling. Sometimes you may feel it’s better to cut everyone ‘off’ because you don’t deserve them, or they don't deserve you.

There are things that we are dealing with that are affecting us and our friendships. As a result of our past experiences with friendships, we are hindering our chances to have healthy relationships with people.   

Act like a friend and you will see who your friends are.

Remember   

• You don't need to block anybody you just need to know how to deal with them a little better.

• Some people who call you their friend are not necessarily your friend.

• Nothing wrong with having supporters, acquaintances. But love them when they come and love them when they go.

Beware   

• Not everybody needs to like you. Not everyone will.

Friendships shouldn’t be That complicated. But they can be and this is why...